The Sox kick off a three-game series with the Cubs this week.

The series, for the record, will be held at “historic Wrigley Field,” a field so historic it has seen exactly as many World Series victories as the Little League field in Lombard. So historic its regulars commemorate a magical dream team that featured three (which, despite one ex-player’s incessant and pathetic whining to the contrary, is the correct number) Hall of Famers yet tanked in the most spectacular way possible. So historic its most memorable moments all bond together not in themes of triumph but of complete and utter defeat, total failure at the hands of supposedly lesser clubs.

But they will pack them in, those best fans in baseball, perhaps for a chance to tell Dewayne Wise, Jermaine Dye, Milton Bradley, Derrek Lee et al exactly what they think of black people around the Friendly Confines. Perhaps for a chance to toss their garbage onto the green, White Sox-designed grass of historic Wrigley Field if when the Cubs fall short of even the lowest of expectations. Perhaps to keep alive the tradition of assaulting their favorite team’s best relief pitchers.

Or perhaps they came to echo the refrain of the Unified Cub Front, the one about Wrigleyville being such a cuddly lil’ neighborhood (nevermind Lakeview’s stature as one of the most crime-riddled parts of the city) or the Cubs’ awesomeness proven by the best fans in baseball selling out nearly every game at Wrigley Field. And that is quite a commendable act of devotion indeed, considering all the epics they’ve been a part of. 2008; 2007; 2003; 1998; 1989; 1984; and on and on and on. History; just not the good kind.

+++

The average Cub fan will tell you about all the fun they have in “their” neighborhood, “their” part of town, et cetera, but you know what’s funny? The Addison Red Line station sees an 8,000 customer spike on game days. If it’s your neighborhood, why do you have to take the train to get to it? Why all the tour bus-only parking on Montrose and Irving Park? Or did the USPS recently move Schaumburg and Des Moines out of the 60613 ZIP code?

+++

Sammy Sosa retired earlier this year. There should be a law that requires the Cubs to have Sammy Sosa day. He was a cheat, a fraud and a selfish player, and even though George Bell was a bust it’s better the Cubs and Sox made that trade. Sosa and the Small Bears deserved each other.

+++

Most famous political Sox fan: historically and culturally significant president of the United States of America.
Most famous poltical Cubs fan: currently facing jail time and tried to use Historic Wrigley Field as leverage in blackmailing the Tribune Company.

+++

The guy in the headphones did not boot the grounder to short, did not run out of gas in the eighth, did not throw the tantrum when he couldn’t chase only a remotely attainable foul ball, did not choose Farnsworth over Kerry Wood, Matt Clement and Carlos Zambrano, did not score eight runs without a homer and did not blow a 3-1 lead in a best-of-seven set. It’s called the National League Championship Series, not the National League Championship Doing What Any Self-Respecting Fan Would Do. But hey, blame who you want to. Picking on one of your own probably makes for an easier coping mechanism than tearing down franchise messiah Mark Prior, especially in light of all the awesome things he would go on to do for the club.

+++

In two years, when he’s making $18 million a year while entirely immobile, both organizationally and physically, Alfonso Soriano will be the most entertaining baseball player in the game for reasons that have nothing to do with baseball. Unless you’re a Cubs fan.

+++

People forget that while Harry Caray did in fact popularize the singing of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” in the middle of the seventh, he did so at Comiskey Park while working for the White Sox. People also forget Harry’s longest gig was actually with the St. Louis Cardinals. This seems to be a recurring theme, this revisionist history. Stick with that.

+++

Derrek Lee: a good player and good person to boot. Dude deserves a better lot than to be a Cub.

+++

As a free agent after the 2007 season, former Twins centerfielder Torii Hunter flat-out refused to go to the Cubs for reasons that had nothing to do with baseball and everything to do with what the best fans in baseball have to say about the people who dare patrol their outfield. And in a way, Cubs fans, Torii Hunter became one of you that day, when it was no longer about the baseball, because with the Cubs it’s never about baseball, just fun in the sun and afternoon well-spent at Historic Wrigley Field. Pass the Special Ex, bro. We’ve got a long week ahead of us.