We have joked in these pages for some time – and elsewhere before that, and in bars and high schools even before that – how the Sox just can’t find a fifth pitcher for the starting rotation. But now that the Sox’ plan for number five has literally disappeared, what are we to do? Not tactically or strategically, but practically: has anyone else ever just misplaced a 250-pound man and not really cared? Is this our team, where the pitchers of last resort are a KC castoff mop-up specialist, a busted ankle and The Man Who Isn’t There?

Yes. Yes it is.

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Grady Sizemore, arguably the best, handsomest baseball player of all-time according to one Hawk Harrelson, is hitting .233. Think about that during today’s gush-fest. “Take that low average, take those strikeouts and that slump at the plate that’s been going on all year. That man right there, that’s one of, if not the best player in the game today.” Hilarious.

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One could easily say Alex Rios, should the rumors prove true, would mean the end of Jermaine Dye. Corner outfielder, decent bat, slow, option on Dye, savings, grinder/grit/unhealthy obsession with certain players etc. Makes sense, right?

But what if Rios actually means the end of Jim Thome? What if Dye were to slide on over and become next year’s DH while Big Jim rides off into the Peoria sunset? For no logical reason, Dye represents the less expensive choice between he and #25, and also offers the flexibility of playing right field to spell Rios, Quentin, or whomever Kenny Williams pulls off the scrap heap between now and next April.

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Hawk says we should blog Chuck Garfein’s blog and tweet Steve Stone’s Twitter, and that if you go on the internet you just lost him. You and me both, Hawkeroo. You and me both.

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Ozzie Guillen wants blood. Guillen also swore he’d bend Magglio Ordonez over a barrel and retire once the Sox won the World Series. I won’t believe him until someone dies on the field, possibly Bartolo Colon. Of embarrassment.