We all know how fun it is to take shots at the countless flaws in the All-Star Game, what with the uselessness of home-field advantage in the World Series and the awkwardness that comes along with forcing a representative from each team (anyone remember Mike MacDougal’s awesome turn in 2003?) and whatnot. But what people never seem to realize is that the flaw isn’t in any one specific element of the ASG, nor is it in the supposedly “serious” baseball camp’s eternal mistrust of the game, but that the All-Star Game debate really just needs new things to complain about.

Is Albert Pujols’ swing ruined after last night? No.

Will the Red Sox really benefit from starting the World Series at home? No, of course not.

Does the absence of the DH really put the American League at the disadvantage? Six of the last twelve seasons would say that’s the dumbest idea ever put forward.

No, what the baseball world needs, really, are new criticisms, new angles of attack. Arguing about how “this time it counts” is sooo 2004; the times call for a new brand of exhibition game paranoia. Consider:

1. Joe Mauer and Victor Martinez could gain too intimate a knowledge of Mark Buehrle’s pitches. You know, because they’ve never seen those pitches before. Ever.

2. Roy Halladay could get hurt and totally ruin someone’s chances of trading for him.

3. Albert Pujols deserved to win the Home Run Derby. Seriously, just ask a Cardinals fan.

4. Jermaine Dye was snubbed. Of course he was, and of course Ichiro, Jason Bay, Carl Crawford, Curtis Granderson, Adam Jones, Ben Zobrist and Nelson Cruz are all totally having significantly worse seasons. Totally.

5. It’s just a popularity contest. People love to throw this one out in fits of venomous rage, and it’s hard to not to laugh that anyone would be offended at the notion the designation of “All-Star” would have any correlation whatsoever to any one player’s individual popularity among the people watching. As though the game mattered (which it doesn’t) and as though we should all be so up in arms that another human being has somehow gained the adoration of the public at large. But, you know, worrying about those things would just be stupid now, wouldn’t it?