Remember the Comedy Central of 1995 through 2004? The Indians taking the division by 10, 15, 30 games? The Twins winning 90-something by default? It would be nice to say with time and reckless spending things have improved in baseball’s version of a forcibly gentrified neighborhood, but with the season winding down like this it’s hard to see improvement.

Which brings us to this: 1-5 at the Dome. A 34-43 record on the road. An 8-10 September with a .303 on-base percentage.

Lucky for us, the Twins are even worse.

So when the Sox take the division sometime this week – and let’s be serious, they’re going to – we can finally breathe easy and say “Okay, let’s do this,” but we’re also going to have to ask ourselves: what have these guys really won? The 85 wins the Good Guys are sitting on, for example, would be third place anywhere else outside the NL West and a distant six games out of the AL Wild Card.

Bud Selig and a gaggle of sportswriters talk a lot about how much parity exists in the sport these days, but a look around the standings suggests there’s no such thing. If teams are so even, how is it possible for so many divisions – not teams, but entire divisions – to be so bad? How can the first-place Dodgers be 2.5 up on a 78-77 team? How can the Angels be 21.5 up on the 75-81 second-place Rangers? How can three of five AL Central teams be at or below .500 with a week to go?

On the flip side, this concentration of good baseball into only three divisions presents a huge opportunity for the Sox. Yes, there are quite a few teams better than they but the beauty is that those teams are all going home. Come October 1, there will be no more gems from the Blue Jays leading to 2-0 heartbreakers. No more Yankee firepower resulting in South Side massacres. No more cheap singles by the Twins turning aces into asses. The Sox may struggle mightily against teams over .500, but those teams’ drubbings of the Good Guys will soon be for naught.

Let’s get spiteful, people. The time for petty arrogance is nigh.