My uncle lives outside of Minneapolis and finds himself and the family at a handful of Twins games a few times a year. He tells a story about being near the field before a game against the White Sox and watching A.J. Pierzynski mess with a local sports reporter and a Twins player he was trying to interview. Not knowing the Legend of A.J.P., my aunt turned to my uncle and said “That guy’s a jerk.”

To which my uncle replied, “Yeah. He belongs on the South Side of Chicago.”

Thinking about it more, this little A.J. story suddenly made it painfully obvious that despite the comments to the contrary in the Sun-Times this week, Kenny Williams is going to bring Alex Rodriguez to the Sox.

Think about it: Alex Rodriguez upstages his team, not to mention every other team in the league, not to mention the World Series. He tells the fans about the respect they owe him. His team, for better or for worse, is only allowed to be as good as he is. He’s one of the greatest players and he still wants more. He left on acrimonious terms with a stubborn management team that talked a lot about being committed to winning but never lived up to their own hype.

Does this sound familiar? It should, because this is pretty much the exact same business the White Sox went through with Frank Thomas time and time again between 1990 and 2005, and now Frank’s picture hangs over the entrance to the stadium. So why not make a run for Alex Rodriguez?

A-Rod thinks he’s bigger than the game. That’s not a matter of opinion, and more than any other sport baseball markets individuals before it markets teams. Rodriguez is possibly the best player in the history of the sport. He personally makes more money than several entire franchises. What he does this winter will be bigger news than the collective moves of at least half of MLB franchises. Alex Rodriguez might not be bigger than the game, but he’s not much smaller than it.

A-Rod is too expensive. Two words: marketing revenue. Two more words: star power. There’s no way the team that picks him up doesn’t make their money back.

A-Rod sucks in the postseason. Guess what? The Sox won’t be anywhere near it for years. Non-issue.

For the price of Alex Rodriguez, the Sox could get two $15 million/year free agents. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Please. Like the Sox would ever sign two high-profile free agents. Or, for that matter, one.

We could keep Uribe for just a $5 million option and spend the other $25 million on fixing the bullpen, outfield and bench. Of course, because the Sox are exactly the type of team to expand the payroll by $25 million to…you know what, we won’t even go there.

That’s such a Cubs move. Exactly. The Cubs, much as we all love to hate them, are exactly the kind of team that is smart enough to use a superstar or two to compensate for the fact that they, as a team, are terrible and that they, as a team, are aware of their own mediocrity. It brings fans to the park. It builds and maintains public interest. It creates even more marketable commodities for the team, which translates to increased revenue, which can ideally be used to restore the quality of the on-field product. It pains me to say it, but the Good Guys could almost learn something from that kind of thinking.

He’s only in it for the money. Well duh. As though the owners, lawyers, agents, reporters, investors, marketers and hot dog vendors were all in it for the love of the game. Please.

So yeah, the guy’s a jerk. That’s fine. In fact, that’s perfect. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad investment. It means he belongs on the South Side of Chicago.