In their sixteen seasons of existence, the Colorado Rockies have two playoff appearances and zero World Series titles to their credit. To kick off interleague play, and to reignite the hateful fire against all those teams who might stand in the Good Guys’ way, it’s time the Sox start picking on one of the few teams with fewer trophies to their credit. Ladies and gentlemen, let us welcome the dawn of the Sox/Rox rivalry with sixteen reasons to hate the Colorado Rockies:

1. Aaron Cook’s career ERA, best in club history: 4.32.
2. Dante Bichette received three Hall of Fame votes.
3. The Rockies’ all-time triples leader? Neifi Perez. Yes, that Neifi Perez.
4. Denny Neagle.
5. Mike Hampton.
6. In 1993, an all-time record 4,483,350 fans came out to see the team at Mile High Stadium.
7. That same year, the Rockies went 67-95 and finished 6th in the NL West.
8. The club attempted to trademark the word “Rocktober” during the 2007 playoffs, even though (a) plenty of other things rock in October and (b) getting crushed in the World Series is not one of them.
9. Matt Holliday. Dude is just too good.
10. Garrett Atkins. See #9.
11. Todd Helton. A career .330 hitter thanks to hitting 68 points higher at home.
12. In 1999, staff ace Pedro Astacio led the team with seven complete games, 210 strikeouts and a 5.04 ERA.
13. Eight players have thrown one shutout apiece for the Rockies, creating an eight-way tie for sixth on the team’s all-time leader list.
14. Ellis Burks, Chicago White Sox 1993: .275/.352/.441. Ellis Burks, Colorado Rockies, 1994: .322/.388/.678.
15. Phar-Mor. Anyone remember Phar-Mor? An executive of theirs got killed by the feds over embezzlement and all kinds of other financial improprieties. That executive was CEO Michael Momus, also an intial part-owner in the Rockies.
16. Percentage of playoff appearances due to actually finishing in first place: zero.

Let us go forth then and unleash our fury on their puny and unsuspecting selves. . . and try to forget the Tigers just pulled off the sweep. Ugh.