We try to take the high road around these parts, but there comes a time when certain players need to be put in their proper context not for their epic home run milestones or marked improvement over anyone’s wildest hopes, but for performance trends in the exact opposite direction. A player who only fills their intended role on a technicality, and even while you wish them the best you also wish they would either get better or get out of the way.

Except you can’t, because you remember that player’s predecessor and how said predecessor was almost exactly as bad and, in many ways, even worse. And then it makes you cry to think about it.

THE PROMISE:
Wilson Betemit: Replacement for bust acquisition Nick Swisher.
Nick Swisher: Replacement for departed mercenaries Jason Giambi and Bobby Abreu.

AT THE PLATE:
Betemit: .209/.277/.326, 0 HR, 3 RBI, 13 K, 9 H
Swisher: .236/.373/.503, 10 HR, 31 RBI, 48 K, 38 H

WHERE IT WENT WRONG:
Betemit: The month of May, in which Betemit hit .105.
Swisher: Also the month of May, although Swisher posted a mighty .150.

ONLINE PRESENCE:
Betemit: None, save for assorted news and reference sites.
Swisher: Friendly.

CULT FOLLOWING:
Betemit: Justifiably non-existent.
Swisher: Inexplicable and arguably embarrassing as time goes by.

TRIBUTE FOOD:
Betemit: None, although we will begin the crusade at Wilson Avenue Snack Shop to rename the Wilson sandwich to the Wilson Betemit Sandwich. Actually, no . . . that sounds nasty.
Swisher: Swish and Chips. Also nasty-sounding, but at least deep-fried for a good cause.

DESCRIBED IN A MADE-UP, HYPHENATED WORD:
Betemit: Stick-to-it-ive.
Swisher: Bro-tastic.

And this, I think, is why we should all take a moment to put young Wilson in our thoughts because this his poorly-going season actually makes Nick Swisher look good. And that, friends, is just about the saddest thing I have ever heard.