. . . and in other news, the White Sox’ parallel fetishes for World Series heroes, former Sox players and aging pitchers well past their peak finally and magically intersected today as the Sox welcomed our old friend Freddy Garcia back into the fold.

(Before we begin, I’d just like to say that if even one more smart-alecky proposal of mine comes to fruition, this year will be awesome. And sad. And spectacular for so many reasons.)

With Sweaty Freddy now resharpening his axe in Arizona and Jose Contreras back with the big club, we can probably start our irresponsible and half-informed-at-best guessing game of which Sox arm is in the organizational crosshairs and who among them is due for a promotion.

The obvious answer would be Bartolo Colon, whose recent string of disasters and nothings would suggest a pitcher on the way out, and whose departure would mean the Sox simply traded one depleted arm that hasn’t been nearly the same since 2005 for another depleted arm that hasn’t been nearly the same since 2005. It could be beautiful.

But what if we’re confusing the involved parties here? What if, rather than Colon, the arm on probation is actually that of Jose Contreras?

Not that one game back is nearly enough time to judge a pitcher’s current worth, but with both Colon and Contreras pitching on guaranteed contracts, what’s the harm? Consider:

SCENARIO A: Contreras released or traded with huge chunk of salary eaten, Garcia makes the journey back to Chicago. The Sox are out $11.5 million for the combined salaries of Contreras, Colon and Garcia. The fifth spot is marginally improved and Freddy celebrates.

SCENARIO B: Colon released or traded with little money lost, Garcia comes up to replace him. Again, the Sox are out the exact same number of dollars, but without either the financial embarrassment of eating Contreras’ formerly justifiable contract or the organizational embarrassment of pushing yet another South Side folk hero out the door. Freddy, again, celebrates.

SCENARIO C: Contreras and Colon work out just fine and Garcia never makes it to the big club. But when it’s time to party, he will always party hard.